When you cultivate stillness everyday, it is an opportunity to notice what thought patterns are running through your mind on a loop!
But here is the life changing question that you can ask yourself:
Are these thoughts ACTUALLY true? Or are they just stories you have made up in your head?
I * used* to always compare myself to others. If I went to the gym or a yoga class, a very judgemental series of questions would be playing in my head:
Am I the ugliest/biggest girl in there? Am I the most uncoordinated/inexperienced? Oh look at her, she is so much prettier than me. My breasts are way too big to run or do yoga. I’m showing too much cleavage and everyone is judging me!
Oh look, they look like a newbie, oh good, I won’t be the most unco in the room. Phew!
Deliberately seeking this out so I could validate my ego, and feel better about myself.
Or the opposite thought pattern would run through my mind:
Oh no I am the ugliest/biggest person here! Oh no I can’t hold any poses or lift as much as them. You look ridiculous in this outfit, they look so much better than you.
In this scenario I was giving into to the comparisons and going straight into victim mentality, and feeling sorry for myself.
The negative self talk would begin: Why am I even here … who do I think I am?! You should just give up now!
Compare compare compare
Hate hate hate
Self loathe self loathe self loathe
Lack lack lack
I would unknowingly repeat this pattern in every aspect of my life.
Ohh look at “them”, they are prettier than me, smaller than me, smarter than me, more confident than me, therefore obviously BETTER than me.
The “I am not enough” story running on repeat in my head, day in and day out.
And what exactly was this story doing? It certainly WAS NOT serving me. In actual fact, it was holding me back from living. It’s a story that’s been holding me back my whole damn life.
Comparing myself to others stopped me from looking within. With so much focus on the external, I was completely disregarding (and disrespecting!!) my internal self.
How can you soften, how can you open up your heart, how can you connect within if you are coming from such an ego driven, fear based space?
How can you show up for yourself if you are not respecting yourself?
And the biggest question of them all:
How can you choose love if you are not loving the most important thing – yourself?
Oh damn, how that question got me. It got me right in the heart.
Becoming aware of these thought patterns is one of the first steps on your self love journey.
Once you become aware of the narrative within your head, the unkind, untrue things you are saying to yourself, you can take a step back. And you can start asking yourself NEW questions.
Are these thoughts actually true? And if they are, do they actually matter?
If I’m the ugliest/biggest/most inexperienced/insert negative self talk story here person in the room – so what? So fucking what?? Does that make me less of a human being?
The answer: Of course not!! I’m here, showing up, working on myself. I should be proud of that fact. Love myself for it even. And know, without a shred of doubt, that I am enough, right here right now.
Let’s say that one louder for the people at the back.
I am enough, right here right now.
It’s a huge change to make, to start talking to yourself with love, kindness and respect. To celebrate yourself and all of your uniqueness, without judgement or distain. To shift the focus on showing yourself love rather than bombarding yourself with comparisons and self loathing.
So next time that negative thought pattern starts playing repeat in your head – why don’t you try asking yourself some new questions. See if the story is true, and if its not, start to look at changing it.
Imagine how much energy you would free up if you stopped comparing yourself to everyone.
Imagine how much more time you would have to focus on things than actually matter to you if you weren’t so busy worrying about what everyone else is thinking.
Nourishing Your Essence – always!
Natty xx
